Category Archives: Sex – The Evil – Porn

MY TIME WITH AN EX-PORN STAR

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MY TIME WITH AN EX-PORN STAR

by Frank Park http://theresurgence.com/2012/06/14/my-time-with-an-ex-porn-star 

For Mars Hill’s Real Marriage sermon “The Porn Path,” we flew up Crissy, a former porn star who’s since become a Christian, as a special guest to be interviewed in a Q&A with Pastor Mark and Grace as part of the sermon. After the event, I chauffered Crissy and her friend to the airport to catch their flight home to LA. Due to the severe snowstorm that hit Seattle this winter, her friend was able to get on a last-minute flight, but Crissy missed her flight altogether. This meant that I ended up spending a few more hours with her. Little did I know that my time with her would be life-changing.

As we waited to be sure her friend’s flight successfully took off, Crissy began to share her story, much of which she did not tell at the event. Her words brought all that I had learned about the effects of porn to a completely different level. It suddenly became very real. There was a real face behind the facts, a real voice behind the statistics.

I took away three major things from our conversation that will forever remain with me.

1. WOMEN ARE EXTRA-SPECIAL

1 Peter 3:7 tells men, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

When I read the words “weaker vessel,” I don’t see it as saying women are the weaker sex or unequal to men, but rather that women are extra-special, especially your wife.

Crissy’s story helped me to see that being a man means treating women (and in the future, my wife) with extra special care, love, and respect. I am to treat them as I would the most delicate vessel in my pottery collection—not because it is prone to break, but because it is invaluable.

2. PORN IS REAL

I know firsthand how addicting porn can be. During my college years, I was serving the church and watching porn. I was leading worship and watching porn. I was a leader in the church and watching porn. It was a love-hate relationship. No professing Christian, after watching porn says, “I’m glad I did that.” We know it is wrong by conviction from the Holy Spirit and regret it after the fact—but we keep going back.

If you’re looking at porn, know this: real people are involved and real damage is done. When you watch porn, you are supporting and encouraging the sexual, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse of real women, not just actors.

Talking with Crissy, my disgust over my history of watching porn and my gratitude to Jesus for redeeming me from that horrid habit simultaneously reached new highs. I wish every guy could sit down with Crissy for five minutes and just talk to her. If that doesn’t convict him, I don’t know what will.

3. JESUS CAN REDEEM ANYONE’S STORY

What stood out the most to me as Crissy shared—despite all that she had been through over the years with guys (not men) treating her as a commodity rather than a person and disrespecting her entirely—was that she told her story with a smile on her face.

Crissy knows without a doubt that her past does not define her—Jesus does. She knows that in Christ, she is righteous and spotless without blemish. She has hope for the future because of Jesus. She knows that Jesus is using her past to redeem others in the present. She now works for a non-profit organization called Treasures, which aims to reach out to women in the sex industry with the message that they are loved, valued, and purposed by Christ.

For those of you struggling with porn, know this:

  • There’s no such thing as “free porn” —it’s a lie.
  • Real women are being hurt in the porn industry.
  • Porn promises what only Jesus can fulfill.
  • Because Jesus conquered sin and death, this sin can be put to death once and for all in your life. You are fighting a battle that has already been won through Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.

Jesus really can and will redeem anyone’s story.

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Why Pornography Robs a Man of His Humanness

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Why Pornography Robs a Man of His Humanness

from Desiring God Blog by Tony Reinke

Addiction to pornography is not limited to men, but it is a major problem among men, and Christian men, and even among pastors and missionaries. Not long ago, counselor Harry Schaumburg shared with us the prevalence of pornography among men in the ministry. It is a serious sin problem that calls for our prayers and our attention.

We recently traveled to the CCEF in Philadelphia where we asked counselor Ed Welch how he counsels men addicted to pornography. This is what he said:

Popout 

Ed Welch is a speaker at our upcoming National Conference. Visit the event page to learn more and register.

To find more resources on the sin of pornography, see the CCEF website here.

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Fake Love, Fake War: Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games

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Fake Love, Fake War: Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games  from Desiring God Blog by Russell Moore

OriginalYou know the guy I’m talking about. He spends hours into the night playing video games and surfing for pornography. He fears he’s a loser. And he has no idea just how much of a loser he is. For some time now, studies have shown us that porn and gaming can become compulsive and addicting. What we too often don’t recognize, though, is why.

In a new book, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, psychologists Philip Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan say we may lose an entire generation of men to pornography and video gaming addictions. Their concern isn’t about morality, but instead about the nature of these addictions in reshaping the patten of desires necessary for community.

If you’re addicted to sugar or tequila or heroin you want more and more of that substance. But porn and video games both are built on novelty, on the quest for newer and different experiences. That’s why you rarely find a man addicted to a single pornographic image. He’s entrapped in an ever-expanding kaleidoscope.

There’s a key difference between porn and gaming. Pornography can’t be consumed in moderation because it is, by definition, immoral. A video game can be a harmless diversion along the lines of a low-stakes athletic competition. But the compulsive form of gaming shares a key element with porn: both are meant to simulate something, something for which men long.

Pornography promises orgasm without intimacy. Video warfare promises adrenaline without danger. The arousal that makes these so attractive is ultimately spiritual to the core.

Satan isn’t a creator but a plagiarist. His power is parasitic, latching on to good impulses and directing them toward his own purpose. God intends a man to feel the wildness of sexuality in the self-giving union with his wife. And a man is meant to, when necessary, fight for his family, his people, for the weak and vulnerable who are being oppressed.

The drive to the ecstasy of just love and to the valor of just war are gospel matters. The sexual union pictures the cosmic mystery of the union of Christ and his church. The call to fight is grounded in a God who protects his people, a Shepherd Christ who grabs his sheep from the jaws of the wolves.

When these drives are directed toward the illusion of ever-expanding novelty, they kill joy. The search for a mate is good, but blessedness isn’t in the parade of novelty before Adam. It is in finding the one who is fitted for him, and living with her in the mission of cultivating the next generation. When necessary, it is right to fight. But God’s warfare isn’t forever novel. It ends in a supper, and in a perpetual peace.

Moreover, these addictions foster the seemingly opposite vices of passivity and hyper-aggression. The porn addict becomes a lecherous loser, with one-flesh union supplanted by masturbatory isolation. The video game addict becomes a pugilistic coward, with other-protecting courage supplanted by aggression with no chance of losing one’s life. In both cases, one seeks the sensation of being a real lover or a real fighter, but venting one’s reproductive or adrenal glands over pixilated images, not flesh and blood for which one is responsible.

Zimbardo and Duncan are right, this is a generation mired in fake love and fake war, and that is dangerous. A man who learns to be a lover through porn will simultaneously love everyone and no one. A man obsessed with violent gaming can learn to fight everyone and no one.

The answer to both addictions is to fight arousal with arousal. Set forth the gospel vision of a Christ who loves his bride and who fights to save her. And then let’s train our young men to follow Christ by learning to love a real woman, sometimes by fighting his own desires and the spirit beings who would eat him up. Let’s teach our men to make love, and to make war . . . for real.

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JARED C. WILSON| What is Better?

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Shel – Jared gets it so very right on this one…http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/gospeldrivenchurch/2012/05/10/what-is-better/

JARED C. WILSON| What is Better?

Is it an orientation? Or a choice?

I remember walking into an adult bookstore for the first time. (This was before high speed internet connections were common and you could get the crack delivered to your home in 5 seconds or less.) I wanted to be there; and yet I didn’t. I was trembling inside and a little bit outside. I’m not sure exactly how to describe it. I was driven there by a compulsion — to see things I shouldn’t see, to get things I shouldn’t have, to know things I shouldn’t know. There are sections inside an adult video store; I hope you didn’t know that. Some repulsed me. Can you imagine that? Walking around a porno store and avoiding the “gross” stuff? As if it wasn’t all disgusting? I knew I should not have been there but I wanted to be. Everything inside of me said it was wrong, and everything inside of me said it would be okay. Just push through, get what you want, and get out.

Before you become numb to this battle and stop fighting it you must go through it. Was I in that store by my orientation? Absolutely. Was I in that store by my choice? Yes. And when I put Genesis 3 (“Did God actually say…?”) together with Romans 7, I see why I believed it was ultimately better at the time to feel good doing what I wanted instead of suffering the internal agony of not being who I was. It felt so much better to give in than to fight. Which is why so many porn users don’t fight it at all. The porn promises release. The abstinence promises pain. And then there’s this voice saying, “The pain means you shouldn’t be trying to change who you are.”

But there’s nothing else in me God wants to change except who I am. And this comes through the cross — Christ’s cross becoming my cross. What is better? To be warring all the life in Romans 7, denying urges and not feeling good inside, or doing what we feel is right simply because it feels good, better? One voice answers the latter, and it strokes the ear. The other strikes terror sometimes — okay, many times — but it takes us from Romans 7 to Romans 8.

Don’t believe the lie that struggling always to obey God is a worse lot in life than disobeying him with peace. God did not make us to “feel good inside” (or outside) all the time this side of heaven; he made us to share in the sufferings of Christ, that we might share in his resurrection. And the reality is, for many, the resurrection kind of life in these areas of death isn’t always postponed to the life to come. But you won’t know that until you’re willing to go to the cross for as long as it takes to die.

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9 Ways to Fight the Temptation of Pornography

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9 Ways to Fight the Temptation of Pornography By BJ Stockman Posted on 

 

My earlier post “7 Negative Effects of Porn” concentrated on the harmful psychological and sociological effects of pornography, and this post will focus on a biblical and grace-centered way to resist the temptation to view porn. Primarily this post is aimed at men, but I hope that there is some help here for the growing number of women who are addicted to porn and I hope that more Christian women will write on this hidden issue.

  1. Fight lustful images with the knowledge of God’s written Word. Images are unbelievably powerful, but God has made the universe through his word and the explosive power of his word trumps the alluring power of an image. God didn’t give us a picture-Bible, but revealed himself through words and sentences to be read and heard. The longest chapter in the Bible shows that the way a young man keeps his way pure is through knowing God’s word (Ps. 119:9, 11). Therefore the firecracker of pornographic images is no match for the napalm of God’s spoken and written word.
  2. Realize that viewing porn unleashes insatiable craving but kills genuine satisfaction. Leering at naked women online incites yearnings for more and more naked women, yet never gives ultimate satisfaction.  On the other hand, the body of one’s wife is a garden of pleasures that leads to holy satisfaction. The book of Proverbs gives the wisdom of a father to son: “Let [your wife’s] breasts satisfy you at all times”(5:18, 19). The body and breasts of your wife contain an intoxicating influence that no other body and breasts can bring. If you don’t think they are satisfying or intoxicating, the problem isn’t her, but the fact that you settle for inferior and ultimately unsatisfying cravings. Why settle for cheap wine when your wife is a fine vintage.
  3. Treat all women who are not your wife like sisters and mothers (1 Ti. 5:2). Look into the eyes of your mom or sister and recognize that the centerfold you gazed at last night probably has a heartbroken family member that loves her. Unless a further sexual deviancy has developed within you, the thought of your daughter or mother being a centerfold should appall you and jolt you out of the objectification of women and back into the reality of treating all women as created in the image of God.
  4. Sever the sources of temptation to view porn. When discussing the adulterous sin of lust, Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell” (Mt. 5:29). In doing so he prescribes a radical violence toward that which leads you to sin. Jesus knew that amputating your hand doesn’t kill lustful desire, after all he said sin starts in the heart (Mt. 15:19), but his call does mean that you need to get drastic on non-sins that may lead to sin. For some of you this will mean disconnecting the Internet for a period of time or only accessing it in public places, for others this may mean an extended media fast of all kinds. You fill-in-the-blank. Remember, though legalism is never a means to sanctification, the call to holiness and following Jesus demands radical steps.
  5. Think about the eternal result of lust. As Jesus’ words indicated above, at on one level, his answer to how to fight lust is: fight it or risk going to hell. God’s wrath is coming for all kinds of sin and one of them is sexual sin (Col 3:5-6). Therefore since purity is of eternal importance, don’t give up in the fight for it. This is only one of the ways to fight this particular sin, but it is not the most significant way. The primaryway to repent is through seeing God’s magnificent kindness and undeserved grace in Jesus (Ro. 2:4), but this does not mean we that we ignore the other biblical incentives of repentance in light of God’s future terrible wrath. Grace is the best motivator, but it is not the only one.
  6. Enjoy the pleasures of purity more than the pleasures of porn. Eighteenth-century preacher Thomas Chalmers, in his classic sermon “The Expulsive Power of a New Affection”, demonstrated how the greatest power in killing a sinful desire is not just by harping on the sinful desire but on replacing it with a new and greater holy desire. The promise of experiencing sinful lustful pleasures at almost any moment via your Internet connection is hard to argue with, unless you replace it with a superior pleasure, then it becomes easy. Jesus said it is the pure in heart that will see God (Mt. 5:8), and the Psalmist tells us that in the presence of God are infinite pleasures (Ps. 16:11). In view of this reality, the desire to see God who gives eternal pleasure far outweighs temporal lustful desire. It’s insane to settle for a mud puddle of pleasure when you have an ocean of pleasure awaiting you in the presence of the Triune God.
  7. Avoid accountability groups and link up with believers radically focused on encouraging one another in the Gospel of grace. Accountability groups kill, but gospel-driven community gives life. Well, maybe this is a bit of an overstatement against accountability groups, but the point is that often accountability groups turn into focusing on sin rather than experiencing the gospel of grace. Men’s groups I’ve been apart of in the past tend to focus more on the experiences of failure the week before not the event of God’s grace in the death and resurrection of Christ 2,000 years ago. Don’t get me wrong, Christian relationships should engage in confessionof sin (Ja. 5:16), but they are also meant for encouragement in grace. The author of the Hebrews reveals that the key to not being hardened to the deceitfulness of sin isdaily encouragement not an excessive concentration on sin (Heb. 3:13). The use ofaccountability software between brothers to keep one away from online pornography is helpful, but grace-oriented encouragement between brothers is best.
  8. Stare at Jesus not at porn. Trying harder and harder to stop looking at porn isn’t the way to stop looking at porn; you must look somewhere else, namely, the person of Jesus Christ. Paul in 2 Corinthians 3:18 writes, “And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” True inward change comes from beholding Jesus not from not looking at porn. As it has been said, what you behold you become, or as biblical theologian Greg Beale puts it, you become what you worship. Look at porn and become a person controlled by lust and idolatry or look at Jesus and become a glorious and whole human being that reflects the beauty and glory of God.
  9. Fight as a son of God who has been freed to walk in purity. As a Christian the key to fighting lustful temptation (and any temptation for that matter) is by knowing who you are not by evaluating what you have done. Becoming a son of God is not dependent upon your not looking at porn, but upon being united to Jesus by faith and the result of the Spirit of God’s work in your heart (Ro. 8:3-4, 14). No longer are you defined by your entanglements with porn, but by your connection to the person and work Jesus. Jesus was crucified for your lust, and he has made you objectively pure in him. Therefore you can work from a place of purity as covered in the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Cor. 5:21), not toward a place of purity to earn righteousness. Kill the urge to view porn because you are a son of God who is dead to sin and free to walk in purity (Ro. 6:1-14). Pornography is no longer your master—God is your father who radically loves you (1 Jn. 3:1) and Jesus is your sin-bearer who is not ashamed to call you, with all your inordinate lusts, “brother”  (Heb 2:11). So, fight the temptation of pornography, to paraphrase John Piper, as a victor not avictim.
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Holy Sex Toys Batman! by Todd Rhoades at toddrhoades.com

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Shel Boese / Shelby Boese – Todd Rhoades posts this article then asks your opinion – go over to his Monday Morning Insight blog for some comments/make any.  My thought is this – sex toys are on the border.

And quite frankly anything that would cause you to fantasize of being with someone other than your spouse is out (e.g. porn is obviously out because it is a redirection of sexual energy to an image of someone other than your marriage covenant partner - not to mention it makes people commodities, enslaves a whole class of desperate addicts/actors and individualizes sex – which is entirely anti-christian sexuality).

But if something can enrich and increase intimacy with your spouse… well this is why we let the debate rip on secondary issues. (And since no one reads my blog I’m sure this won’t get a rise out of anyone.)

 Holy Sex Toys Batman! by Todd Rhoades at toddrhoades.com 

Get ready for (at least as far as I know) the world’s first ‘Christian’ sex toy store.  Following is part of a story from The Daily Beast.  Note:  If the mention of sex toys makes you nervous, uncomfortable, or just cringe slightly, you may want to stop now and head over to my post about this guy.

From the Daily Beast:

Joyce’s sex life can be divided into two acts: before and after the Turbo 8 Accelerator.

The evangelical Christian from California’s central valley had never had an orgasm alone nor with her husband of 25 years. “I didn’t know I wasn’t having one,” the 59-year-old mother of two told The Daily Beast. Yet after chatting with some church girlfriends, she learned what she was missing. “’All that happens to you?’” she asked. “They looked at me like I was crazy.”

Joyce, who requested that we use only her first name, and her equally devout spouse never would have found the bullet-shaped vibrator or the array of “marital aids” they’ve ordered since, if it wasn’t for the Christian sex toy website Book 22—introduced to her by a friend after their chat. “I’m a Christian, but this is awesome,” she said. “It was like being newlyweds again.”

Sex and religion have long been perceived to be at odds, with carnal pleasures representing sin more than saintliness. Yet in recent years, a handful of savvy Christian, Jewish and Muslim entrepreneurs have embraced the notion that the two can coexist in a way that jibes with doctrine—and even glorifies traditional values by strengthening marriages.

Enter the religious sex-toy industry, which carefully markets and sells a range of sexual-pleasure products to the faithful. With the voice and disposition of a summer-camp director, Joy Wilson founded Book 22 a decade ago, when she had trouble “getting her body to respond” to her husband after their second child, and her online search for remedies yielded scandalous imagery that offended more than it helped. The pioneering site, named after the Biblical book also known as the Song of Solomon, now faces growing competition from rival vendors including Hooking Up Holy, Intimacy of Eden, and Covenant Spice.

And the industry grew exponentially this fall with the launch of the Orthodox Jewish shop Kosher Sex Toys, and last year with the Muslim vendor El Asira. The sites even enjoy the support of many community leaders. “Religious people do it like everybody else,” said David Ribner, a rabbi and sex therapist based in Israel, who works as a consultant for Kosher Sex Toys. “Why shouldn’t they have access to toys that make their lives more satisfying?”

To be clear, the “religious people” targeted are married, heterosexual religious people; pious sex-toy vendors market their products exclusively to these couples. Unlucky in love and looking for some solitary fun after morning prayers? Look elsewhere.

You can read more here.

Hate to ask your opinion… but do you have one on this?

 

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Fighting a Pornified Society

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Timothy Willard

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

How can Christians engage a hyper-sexualized culture?

When prominent magazines resort to plastering sexed-up 10-year-olds on their pages to lure readers, we know fashion culture has fallen from high-class to no-class. Yet, that’s what happened when French Vogue featured Thylane Lena-Rose Blondeau striking sultry poses in provocative clothes. Readers winced, and even the historically progressive French turned up their noses.

Now French fashion brand Jours Après Lunes has launched a new line of “loungerie,” a hybrid of lounge clothing and lingerie that a four-year-old can wear. Jours Après Lunes’s new line not only marks a new standard for fashion but raises the bar in the sexualization of women. Backers of the new sexed-up adolescent line praise it for its cute factor. Critics say the fashion company has stepped over the line.

But this is nothing new. In 1999, Calvin Klein scratched plans for a billboard in Times Square depicting two 6-year-old boys wearing nothing but their underwear standing on a sofa, arm-wrestling. Then in 2002, Abercrombie & Fitch came under fire for their “XXX” catalog. The pages contained images of nudity to near orgies. The models? Young adults. A&F’s penchant for exploiting young people continued when this spring they launched a line of push-up bras aimed at little girls.

What does it say about our society when we’re willing to place unwitting children in sexy clothing to sell a pair of underwear?

Hyper-Sexualized

A new study in this month’s issue of Sexuality and Culture gives us an answer. University of Buffalo researchers compiled over 1,000 images from 40 years of Rolling Stone magazine, comparing male and female poses, wardrobe and language used in the articles. The study showed that women have been vastly more sexualized than men. The 2000s showed a marked increase in hyper-sexualization of women in the magazine, which is regarded as a pop culture barometer.

“Hyper-sexualization” refers to images that communicate to the reader that the person in the image desires sex. Sociologist Erin Haden said, “We don’t necessarily think it’s problematic for women to be portrayed as ‘sexy.’ But we do think it is problematic when nearly all images of women depict them not simply as ‘sexy women’ but as passive objects for someone else’s sexual pleasure.”

According to Haden the hyper-sexualization of women increases violence against women and girls, sexual harassment and anti-women attitudes among men and boys, not to mention the proliferation of eating disorders and general body dissatisfaction. And one can’t help but shudder at the implications of a society that shuns human trafficking but applauds provocative young “professionals” for profit.

But Jours Après Lunes’s new line is not designed to make women sexier. It’s designed to make young girls sexy, even ready for sex. In this hyper-sexualized framework young girls become mere objects. The ads begin the erotic process of tearing down their humanity and building up a sex icon. With each flip of the magazine page or click of the mouse we move young girls and women closer to a world of abuse, disorder and rape.

Soulish Things

Philosopher Hannah Arendt once wrote that if left unchecked our modern advanced society would annihilate itself if given the chance. In a world bent on consuming information, images, artifacts and yes, even people, we daily partake in the feeding frenzy of our unchecked society making Arendt’s world of self-annihilation seem normative.

But the hyper-sexualization of women and children crosses the line and should incite the Christian community to reflect on how they contribute to and exist within such a culture.

Theologian J.I. Packer reminds us that sexual laxity does not make a person more human. Rather, it brutalizes an individual. Packer says humankind was designed to run and be satisfied with soulish things. “As rational persons,” writes Packer “we were made to bear God’s moral image—our souls were made to ‘run’ on the practice of worship, law-keeping, truthfulness, honesty, discipline, self-control, and service to God and our fellows.” When the human person lives contrary to their designed purpose they dry up—losing the capacity for shame, truthfulness as a person diminishes. The result is not only dehumanization, but spiritual death as well.

If we dig beneath the surface we find the incessant drive for sexual fulfillment and even sexual violence stems from despair; that place where death eludes yet hope for life does not exist, where sin makes man his own lawmaker, where meaning dissipates. From this perspective of despair Nietzsche’s quip “Man is an end” sounds apropos. There is no point and no God, therefore let us do as we see fit.

The Christian community, however, knows that Nietzsche’s terminus ideas of humanity are off. Humankind was created from Love in order to love—moving from glory to glory, touched with eternity. To be a human person means to be in relationship, in constant movement toward communion with one another and God.

No Longer Reticent

We see in the Jours Après Lunes’s “loungerie” subtle lines of despair—a hungering dark. The Christian community stands witness to these casual salvos on God’s image done in the name of fashion and human progress. But what is our response?

Our reticence to live as an alternative society can no longer be tolerated.

As a father of two girls under the age of five I am thankful for the work of Erin Haden and her cohort at the University of Buffalo. I do not, however, share her view that portraying women as sexy is not problematic. When we focus on the non-soulish aspects of women and children we take the first step toward dehumanization. My daughters gain confidence when I show I am trustworthy and proud of them, forgiving, able to laugh and cry, ready to hold them when they’re hurt, willing to tell them stories until sleep comes. They thrive in the ebb and flow of our relationship. They learn personal worth through interaction focused on their souls.

Like you, I’m impassioned when I read another account of someone capitalizing on hyper-sexualization. We’re quick to point a finger at these clothing companies and rightly so. But product lines, to some degree, are based on consumer demands. As advertisers will tell you, sex sells. But for the Christian, it shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s time to stop the blame game and look in the mirror. The only reason sex is selling is because we’re buying.

It’s time to bring a human element back into our over-sexed society and treat females and children with the dignity and respect they deserve. Contrary to popular fashionista thought, 4-year-olds belong on the playground, not in lingerie ads. It’s time to celebrate the image of God, not tear it down—and the Church should be leading this effort.

Timothy Willard is an Atlanta-based writer and co-author of Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society(Zondervan, 2011). www.timothywillard.com, @endveneer, +Timothy Willard

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Pornification, part 2: ‘Not that There is Anything Wrong With That’

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Shel Boese / Shelby Boese – Ed is right on with these posts – I am particularly aware that most pop-music is also pornified as well.  It’s not just images – but also words that generate them.  Porn is the new slavery in so many ways – and our culture is in the 1500s-1700s on the issue.

Pornification, part 2: ‘Not that There is Anything Wrong With That’ from EdStetzer.com by Ed Stetzer

pornification.PNGLast week I began a series entitled “The Pornifcation of American Culture.” You can read the first post of this series here. These posts come from a lengthier article I wrote for the Assemblies of God Enrichment Journal. The entire issue is worth your time and you can access it here. In this part, I deal with changing views of sexuality and inceased sexualization.

Here is more of the text from that article:

The issues of human sexuality are impacting evangelical churches in a profound way. The church must recognize and address the changing sexual mores of the world. Sex and sexuality outside of marriage has been around for millennia but the current is moving to new places.

The famous line “not that there is anything wrong with that” from a 1993 Seinfeld episode is an example of a new era in our culture. The main character, Jerry and his friend George were trying to not be seen as gay but neither did they want to come across as homophobic. They repeated the line throughout the episode in an effort to make the distinction. Acceptance of people’s diverse sexual decisions is expected and demanded by American culture. We live under relentless pressure to “be conformed” to the world versus “being transformed” (Romans 12:2).

For the book, Lost and Found, we surveyed unchurched young adults to ask “If you were considering visiting or joining a church would knowing that the church did not welcome or affirm homosexual members positively or negatively impact your decision?” Eighty-three percent of the “always unchurched” young adults ages 20-30 responded “negatively.” Even among the most friendly unchurched (often church drop-outs) who were still somewhat open to the church, fifty-two percent said believing a church is not open to homosexuals would negatively impact their decision to attend. Alternative expressions of sexuality are not just normal, they are expected and to be affirmed.

We see diverse sexual ideas and activities everywhere. Some porn stars are more than mainstream; they are business people who call the shots on their filming, their books, DVDs and websites. A recent on-stage lip-lock between Scarlett Johansson and Sandra Bullock made MTV’s “The Best Girl-On-Girl List” (yes, that’s a category now). Pop stars like Lady Gaga (‘Poker Face,’ 2008) and Katie Perry (‘I Kissed a Girl and I liked It,’ 2008) blur the line between porn star and pop star. Their popular songs address issues like oral sex, bi-sexuality, and lesbianism. Well known secular record producer Mike Stock says he believes children are being “sexualized” by popular culture. “The music industry has gone too far. It’s not about me being old-fashioned. It’s about keeping values that are important in the modern world. These days you can’t watch modern stars like Britney Spears or Lady Gaga with a two-year-old. Ninety-nine per cent of the charts is R ‘n’ B, and 99 per cent of that is soft pornography. Kids are being forced to grow up too young.” [Daily Mail UK].

We’ve come a long way when secular record producers are concern about our sexual mores.

Lawyer and author John W. Whitehead recently observed, “Children between the ages of 8 and 18 spend approximately 30-120 minutes a day watching music videos — 75% of which contain sexually suggestive materials, and with the advent of portable technology, children’s television and music are often unmonitored by parents or guardians. Not only does this accelerate adolescent sexual behavior (girls between the ages of 12-14 are two times more likely to engage in sexual activity after being exposed to sexual imagery), but it increases the likelihood of more sexual partners.” [Huffington Post]

This is not a war on Perry or Gaga. Remember before them was Madonna and Brittany. They are the commercial products of our culture, not the root issue. When they go away (and they eventually will), they will be replaced unless our hearts change.

Looking more closely at the pornification of our culture will help answer a critical question – What does the world of the people we are trying to reach look like? Most of the Christian community appears overwhelmed or volitionally disengaged that what existed before in secret is now “shouted from the rooftops” concerning sex. Being overwhelmed about how to address the issue – we don’t. Choosing to disengage, we allow a culture–and our own children–the go-ahead to live by the world’s standards. The church has been given all that is needed to address sexuality from a biblical perspective. The Scriptures clearly teaches God’s plan for sex. Yet we stumble awkwardly past the issues. If the church refuses to address the issues not only do we become irrelevant, but we leave the conversation open to others who feel more free to do so.

Who will be the “salt” and “light” source of biblical guidance to a culture “gone wild?” The church must provide a clear and robust biblical ethic of sexuality. Although it may be uncomfortable for Christians and churches to discuss, these are issues on the hearts of young Americans. Addressing the issues of marriage, pornography, and homosexuality in biblical ways will enable a church to engage with its community and thrive in many ways. We must resist the temptation to acquiesce to culture through silence. The church should hold up the “new alternative lifestyle” (men married to women for life in a sexually pure covenant relationship) and live it out.

This is a very real issue that impacts churches and leaders. In yesterday’s Lausanne World Pulse, Brent Lindquist spoke about our need to respond to the “pornagraphy tsumani.”  I will be writing more on ways to deal with the issue later, but in the meantime his article is worth a read.

Lindquist explains how the church should deal with the issues:

[T]he majority of our church and culture has been impacted to some degree by pornography. If that is the case, then many of us are in recovery from pornography. If this does apply to us, then we are bringing this secret out of the darkness and into the light. “Into the light” means acknowledging to others that we are struggling with, or growing through, the effects of this problem. In our weakness we, through “He,” will become strong…

Waiting until people have fallen or discovered to have fallen usually means they are put into a therapeutic program. These programs are good and needed, but we should be focusing our efforts on intervention earlier in this process. This is where accountability and purity enter. Certainly, people who have fallen need accountability groups and processes and need to re-establish commitments to personal purity. But we, as leaders ourselves, need to seek personal purity as part of our regular lifelong spiritual journey.

In part 1 of the series, I was struck and burdened by the comments in the post. Some shared their struggle and other shared solutions.  Feel free to do so in the comments.

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The Pornification of American Culture

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Shel Boese / Shelby Boese – Ed Stetzer is starting a few posts on the issue of the pornified culture we live in.  I will repost…But the fact is the more you consume porn – the more it consumes you – and reduces the quality of your real-life sex-life….

I recently wrote a journal article for the Assemblies of God Enrichment Journal. I will be turning that into a series here at the blog. The entire issue is worth your time and you can access it here.

Here is part 1: Introducing the Issue.

The world seemed shocked by the Tiger Woods scandal. The media feasted on the stories, rumors, and drama that surrounded Tiger’s life of undisputed sexually infidelity. But who created Tiger Woods? From American hero worship to a dysfunctional childhood and everything in between, multiple factors contributed to Tiger being Tiger. His saga has emerged as one of the most sad and shocking stories in American sports history.  But one thing is for sure–Tiger’s story is only a symptom of our sex-obsessed, pornified culture.  Even greater, our obsession with Tiger’s story may be an indicator of where we are as much as where he is.  Sexual deviance is now the norm, not the exception.

The term “pornification” is not original with me.  New York Times columnist, author and speaker Pamela Paul might have coined the term. Her 2005 book “Pornified: How Pornography is Damaging our Lives, our Relationships and our Families” caused quite a stir. Paul observed, “It is easier to get pornography than to avoid it. We have protected the rights of those who wish to live in a pornified culture while altogether ignoring the interests of those who do not.” (page 253).  There is no question that she raised awareness of this cultural current and the corresponding devastation. The term has gone viral. William Todd Schultz blogged on the subject for Psychology Today.  His article, “The ‘Pornification’ of Human Consciousness” carefully suggested that the effect of continual exposure to pornography could lead to a wide range of abnormalities. Schultz said:

“Porn is… the new universally shared experience. The nation has been ‘pornified’. It’s everywhere. It’s open 24/7. And chances are good, judging from research into internet habits, that before or after reading this post, a high percentage of you will visit a porn site. . . The point is if you did, you are hardly alone.” [www.psychologytoday.com/print/4041 accessed 8/29/10]

Although the world has largely forgotten Tiger Woods by now, the pattern of his downfall is rehearsed in millions of households everyday. On the blog we are going to be exploring this topic– taboo though it may be– over the next several weeks. I would love to see some healthy, encouraging discussion in the comments section. Let’s also try to let Philippians 4:8 serve as the guiding principle of how speak, even when we discuss.

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable –if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise –dwell on these things.”http://msb.to/Ph4:8

To read the lengthier article I wrote for the Enrichment Journal you can access it here.

An infographic included in this post includes many more porn “stats,” but also has some language you may find offensive.  Click the link to read the rest of the entry to see the graphic.

Porn-Addiction-In-America.jpg

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Lust: Not for Men Only

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Reposted from DesiringGod.org July 21, 2011 | by Carolyn McCulley

 

We’re well into the heat of summer now, and that means many churches across the American landscape have, at some point, reiterated the modesty message for the good church ladies everywhere.

Wait. I can actually see that eyeroll of yours even from here. But, friends, don’t click away just yet. Because I am going to go where large swaths of American church culture need to go on this topic … but often don’t.

I’m talking about lust. And women.

For the past eight years, I’ve had the privilege of writing two books and hundreds of articles and blog posts for women, which then led to numerous speaking engagements. Right from the start, I noticed a trend at each event, whether in the U.S. or abroad. Invariably, one woman would wait to talk to me until the bitter end, because she wanted to confess something that made her feel doubly shameful. She wanted to talk about her lust and sexual sin, a struggle she was sure was hers alone among the women in church.

How did these women arrive at this conclusion? Because for years most churches herded the men off to talk about lust, while gathering the women to discuss modesty. While those are valid and much needed messages, they are incomplete for the culture in which we now live.

To understand the times, let’s look at the messages women have absorbed in recent years. There are stripper pole classes at the gym and women’s magazines with screaming headlines about sex and seduction techniques. The morning talk shows candidly discuss sex toy parties. “Sex and the City” becomes a major franchise while “Girls Gone Wild” captures drunken sexual escapades among college students. Abercrombie & Fitch markets push-up bikini tops to 8-year-old girls. Lady Gaga bursts onto the pop music scene wishing she could shut her Playboy mouth. Not one item is sold in the mall without an erotic image. And women are increasingly immersed in online porn.

This highly sexualized culture is the new normal for young women who grew up in the ethos of third-wave feminism’s pro-porn, pro-sex work stance. So normal that when I spoke at a Christian college earlier this year, one woman raised her hand to ask, “So are you saying that it’s bad that there’s too much pornographic influence in our culture? But shouldn’t women embrace their sexuality?”

Um, yes. And yes. That answer highlights the problem: the counterfeit has usurped the authentic. Sex is God’s idea and his good gift to be properly stewarded within his design. For that reason, the church should be the most pro-sex group there is. We have a message of hope and redemption in the morass of sexual confusion. But first we need to help the women who are confused and in our churches right now. Here are four points on how to do that:

1. Give the truth about sex and why it’s attacked.

Let’s start with that modesty message. If it’s framed as a simple “don’t tempt men” message, it is incomplete and easily dismissed. We need to back up and explain first what is good about God’s gift and how it is distorted in a myriad of ways. We should equip young women to be discerning about the spiritual battle raging around sexuality. The Adversary has no need to improve upon his first character assassination of God. Contradicting God’s boundaries and insinuating that he is holding out on his creatures is nearly foolproof.

2. Teach young women not to mistake broken for normal.

Then we need to teach young women how rapidly our culture became porn-saturated in only one generation. That’s often news to those who grew up in it and therefore they often don’t understand the brokenness that follows in the wake of the sexual imagery they accept as normal. As John Piper says, lust is the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct—and young women often overlook how their drive to be sexually desirable is smack in the middle of that realm.

When young women understand the cosmic consequences of sexual sin, the worldviews that shape our consumption of sexual messages today, and how God’s glory is under spiritual attack, they will not mistake any modesty message for a frumpy fashion campaign. Nor will they resent the men around them for being impediments to whatever is stylish. Instead, they will be sobered by how Satan still “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8)—and that men and women alike are fair game.

3. Stop thinking that only men have seeing problems.

Let’s not assume that immodesty only affects the eyes of men. Women are becoming increasingly visualized as well, and can be distracted in similar, though perhaps not identical, ways. We also need to remember and help those women who wrestle with same-sex attraction. After I mentioned this recently at a large conference, several women came up to say this is their temptation and how hard it is for them to be open about it in the church. They fear misunderstanding, judgment and gossip.

4. Create a culture of light.

We need to clearly teach that lust is a human condition, not just a masculine one. Knowing God’s glory is at stake, we need to create humble church cultures where secret sin is not kept in the dark, but rather brought into the light. If we rightly understand the doctrine of sin, we should never be surprised by our own temptations nor by the confessions of others. We should want to create “safe harbors” for God’s people to confess, repent, and welcome accountability for change. The roaring lion waits in the cover of darkness to attack what he finds there, but “whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God” (John 3:21).

Let us help the women in our churches experience the freedom of living in the light.

Carolyn McCulley is an author, speaker, and documentary filmmaker. She has written more about third-wave feminism in her book, Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World.

 

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