Category Archives: Thom Rainer

“I Am A Church Member” – A Conversation with Thom Rainer

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“I Am A Church Member” – A Conversation with Thom Rainer by TREVIN WAX

Today, I’ve invited Thom Rainer, president of LifeWay and author of the new book I Am a Church Member: Discovering the Attitude that Makes the Difference to join me for a conversation about church membership.

This book carries a long list of endorsements from church leaders across the theological and methodological spectrum of evangelicalism. It is a brief book that challenges church members to shift their mindset from self-serving to self-giving.

Trevin Wax: I Am a Church Member began as a blog post that garnered a great deal of attention and response. What prompted you to write the initial blog post? What did you learn from the response to that post?

Thom Rainer: I wrote the initial blog post after noting that in my research that church conflict was increasing. Over one-half of the conflict issues dealt with church members arguing over their personal preferences.

I hoped and prayed the blog would cause all of us church members to rethink our attitude about church membership, and to understand we are there to serve, not necessarily to be served.

Trevin Wax: You write about plateaued and declining churches in North America as seen in declining evangelical influence in the culture. We are tempted to blame secular culture, national politics, or church leaders. But you believe church members should “look in the mirror.” Why?

Thom Rainer: If outside forces and culture were the reasons behind declining and non-influential churches, we would likely have no churches today. The greatest periods of growth, particularly the first-century growth, took place in adversarial cultures. We are not hindered by external forces; we are hindered by our own lack of commitment and selflessness.

Trevin Wax: You devote a chapter to encouraging members to pray for their church leaders. There’s a moving story about a busy pastor who has no time to grieve the death of his best friend. Do you find that many church members are unaware of the pressures of pastoral ministry? How can we be better “pray-ers” for our pastors?

Thom Rainer: Most church members have little awareness of the daily demands and pressures of a pastor. His calling is one of the most challenging a person can have. Indeed, it is an impossible task in the pastor’s own strength.

I encourage church members to pick a time of day (for me it’s noon) to pause to pray one or two minutes for their pastors.

Most church members evaluate the pastor through the lens of “what is he doing for me?” We need to ask how we can help our pastor serve others rather than ask what can he do for me.

Trevin Wax: What happens when church members are focused on their own preferences and desires instead of the church’s mission? How can we move from being self-focused to self-giving?

Thom Rainer: The self-focused church becomes a church in conflict. No church can satisfy all the preferences of all the church members.

I recommend strongly that churches have an entry point class (a new members’ class) so clear expectations can be established for church members, including attitudinal issues. I also recommend that every church buy and distribute hundreds of copies of my book :)

Trevin Wax: There has been a resurgence of interest in church membership in recent years. Where do you see the conversation about meaningful church membership going in the years ahead? What are the strengths and weaknesses of this movement?

Thom Rainer: I am encouraged about the resurgence of interest in church membership. I see the conversation expanding in the near future.

Most of the conversation today is about what we are supposed to do as a church member. Very soon you will likely hear more and more about the attitudes church members should have.

An action plan without a biblical mindset is worthless, if not dangerous.

Trevin Wax: What do you hope this book will accomplish?

Thom Rainer: I pray that my little book will contribute to the conversation about biblical attitudes about church membership. I am even bold enough to pray that God will use it to change hearts from self-serving to serving.

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Seven Distinguishing Characteristics of Unified Churches by Thom Rainer

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Seven Distinguishing Characteristics of Unified Churches by Thom Rainer

The exercise was simple. I made a list of over 30 of the most unified churches I know. Some of them have been my clients in the past. I then made a list of over 40 fragmented churches (they were easier to find). From that point I began to answer my own questions: What makes this church look like it’s unified? What makes this other church look like it’s fragmented?

I then compared my two columnar lists to find the greatest contrasts between the two groups. When it was all said and done, seven characteristics stood out.

  1. Longer-term pastorates. The average tenure of a pastor in the unified churches was an amazing 8.2 years. The pastoral tenure in the fragmented churches was 2.1 years.
  2. Shorter and less frequent business meetings. Slightly less than half of the unified churches had annual business meetings only. Only two had monthly business meetings. The remainder of the unified churches had quarterly business meetings. All but four of the fragmented churches had monthly business meetings.
  3. Balance of ministries for members and outreach ministries for non-members and non-Christians. While I cannot say that the balance is 50-50, there were certainly more outreach ministries in the unified churches than in the fragmented churches. The latter group of churches focused their ministries on their members.
  4. Celebrate new Christians more. In the unified churches, the greatest joy expressed by members was hearing about people becoming followers of Christ. During one service where 14 new believers were baptized, the excitement was palpable. The fragmented churches tended to celebrate building programs more.
  5. Highly intentional small group or Sunday school ministries. The unified churches exhorted everyone to get into a small group or Sunday school class. The fragmented churches usually had those ministries, but they were not a point of emphasis.
  6. Emphasis on corporate prayer. The unified churches’ members prayed a lot together. The fragmented churches’ members did not.
  7. Most ministries led by laity. Most of the ministries, even the largest and most important, were led by laypersons. To the contrary, the fragmented churches typically insisted that a ministry had to be led by a ministry staff leader.

Of course, I don’t know which of these characteristics were cause or effect. Do you see anything in your church that adds to its unity or fragmentation?

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Five Love Languages of Pastors

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Shel – Thom has a funny and true one here.

 

Five Love Languages of Pastors  from thomrainer.com by Thom Rainer

With apologies to Gary Chapman for playing on his well-known “Five Love Languages” theme, I asked 24 pastors how a church member might speak to each pastor in his own love language. And though 24 persons do not constitute a massive survey, I was amazed at the consistency of the responses.

To fit the theme of five, I determined at the onset that I would only report the top five responses. To my surprise, there was an obvious break between the fifth and sixth most frequent responses. The five love languages thus were a natural fit.

So how can you speak a love language to your pastor? Here are the pastors’ top five responses in order of frequency. I offer a representative response from one of the pastors for each of the five.

  1. Books. “I have a limited family budget, so I can’t just go out and buy a bunch of books. But I sure do love books. One year a deacon gave me a $200 gift card to a Christian bookstore. I was ecstatic! Now the church gives me a $300 book allowance each year. I know it’s not much for the type of books I get, but I sure am grateful.”
  2. Encouraging notes. “I treasure every word of affirmation I get. It helps to soothe the pain of the criticisms. I keep all of my notes of encouragement in a box, and I sometimes read many of them at one time just to remind myself how blessed I am. I particularly appreciate handwritten notes. I know the church member took some time to write that to me.”
  3. Time guardians. “My most encouraging church members are those that try to help me protect my time. They do everything they can to make sure I have enough time to prepare sermons and to spend time with my family. They are able to speak to other members about my time constraints in a way that I’m not able to.”
  4. Compliments about children. “There are times that I really feel sorry for my three kids. They are really good kids, but they aren’t perfect. They live in a glass house, and any wrong move they make usually gets the attention of a church member. But I have a few church members who go out of their way to tell me the good about my children. One sincere compliment about one of my three kids will make my day.”
  5. Defenders. “You know, I deal with critics, and I realize that in any leadership position, you will have critics. My greatest hurt takes place when my supporters remain silent in the face of intense criticism toward me. They are more afraid of rocking the boat than speaking the truth. But I have one guy in the church who will always speak a defending word for me unless he thinks I’m wrong. Then he speaks to me privately. I could use a dozen church members like that.”

Pastors, are these five your love languages as well? What would you add to the list? Church members, do you speak love languages to your pastor? Tell us your stories.

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Tom Rainer: The Main Reason People Leave a Church

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The Main Reason People Leave a Church - from thomrainer.com by Thom Rainer

Numbers of gifted persons and organizations have studied the phenomenon of the church “back door,” the metaphorical way we describe people leaving the church. And there will always be the anticipated themes of relocation or personal crises. We should recognize those issues, though we can respond to the latter more than the former.

But all the research studies of which I am aware, including my own, return to one major theme to explain the exodus of church members: a sense of some need not being filled. In other words, these members have ideas of what a local congregation should provide for them, and they leave because those provisions have not been met.

Certainly we recognize there are many legitimate claims by church members of unfulfilled expectations. It can undoubtedly be the fault of the local congregation and its leaders.

But many times, probably more than we would like to believe, a church member leaves a local body because he or she has a sense of entitlement. I would therefore suggest that the main reason people leave a church is because they have an entitlement mentality rather than a servant mentality.

Look at some of the direct quotes from exit interviews of people who left local congregations:

  • “The worship leader refused to listen to me about the songs and music I wanted.”
  • “The pastor did not feed me.”
  • “No one from my church visited me.”
  • “I was not about to support the building program they wanted.”
  • “I was out two weeks and no one called me.”
  • “They moved the times of the worship services and it messed up my schedule.”
  • “I told my pastor to go visit my cousin and he never did.”

Please hear me clearly. Church members should expect some level of ministry and concern. But, for a myriad of reasons beyond the scope of this one blogpost, we have turned church membership into country club membership. You pay your dues and you are entitled to certain benefits.

The biblical basis of church membership is clear in Scripture. The Apostle Paul even uses the “member” metaphor to describe what every believer should be like in a local congregation. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31, Paul describes church members not by what they should receive in a local church, but by the ministry they shouldgive.

The solution to closing the back door, at least a major part of the solution, is therefore to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality. Of course, it is easy for me to write about it, but it is a greater challenge to affect it.

May I then offer a few steps of a more practical nature to help close the back door by changing the membership mentality? Here are five:

  1. Inform church members. Though I do not have precise numbers, I would conjecture that more than one-half of church members do not have a biblical understanding about church membership. Providing that information in a new members’ class can move an entire congregation toward a servant mentality.
  2. Raise the bar of expectations. We have dumbed down church membership in many congregations to where it has little meaning. Clarify expectations of members. Again, doing so in the context of a new members’ class is a great way to begin.
  3. Mentor members. Take two or three members and begin to mentor them to become biblical church members. After a season, ask them to mentor two or three as well. Let the process grow exponentially.
  4. Train members. Almost 100 percent of pastors agree that their role is to train and equip members. But almost three-fourths of these pastors have no plans on how they will train them (see Ephesians 4:11-13). I will address this issue more fully on my blog next Wednesday.
  5. Encourage people to be in small groups. Those in Sunday school classes and small groups are more likely to be informed and functioning church members. In others words, there is a much greater likelihood of a member with a servant mentality to be in a small group than not.

What are you doing in your church to close the back door? What are you doing to move members from an entitlement mentality to a servant mentality?

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Seven Lessons on Leadership I Learned from My Garbage Service -Thom Rainer

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Shel- Thom always has great leadership stuff – click on the title of this one for more from his blog.  I love this  as I am sitting studying and catching up little tasks and studying…

Seven Lessons on Leadership I Learned from My Garbage Service -Thom Rainer

It may be strange to hear, but I absolutely love my residential garbage service. When I moved to Nashville over seven years ago, I asked my neighbors to recommend a service. Their recommendations were so effusive that you might have thought they were talking about a beloved physician.

Nope. They were excited about their garbage service. And now, seven years later I understand fully. This family-owned company is called Music City Disposal. It’s located in Franklin, Tennessee, a southern suburb of Nashville.

The first time I called Music City Disposal to begin my service, the wife of the owner greeted me. Her pleasant disposition was but a foretaste to the great service I would receive over the next seven years. Indeed, the workers in this small company have taught me several lessons on leadership. I’ll share a few.

  1. Put others before self. When I ask for some extra help from the folks at Music City Disposal, they never act like they are being inconvenienced. To the contrary, they always seem happy to help.
  2. Have a healthy work ethic. Many of us may not be attracted to hauling garbage in all kinds of weather. But this company never misses a day. They are as dependable as any organization I have ever known. They are some of the hardest workers you’ll ever see.
  3. Do something extra for someone. In 2010 many homes in our neighborhood were partially underwater from the biggest flood our city has ever known. When we were permitted to return to our homes to begin the arduous cleaning process, guess who was there on their own initiative? That’s right, the folks at Music City Disposal pulled in my driveway and asked, “Mr. Rainer, can we haul something away for you?”
  4. View your work as a gift. Some people whine about their work. Good leaders are grateful for their work. Think of all the possible complaints a garbage hauler could have. I have never heard anything but positive words from Music City Disposal about their business.
  5. Maintain a pleasant disposition and smile a lot. It’s amazing how contagious smiling and happiness can be. I know that one of the reasons my garbage service is so successful is that their disposition attracts and keeps customers.
  6. Have an attitude of gratitude. On a few occasions, I’ve left the workers a small tip for their extraordinary service. One might think they had received an inherited fortune by their responses. But that’s just how they are: always grateful, never complaining.
  7. Find a way to say “yes.” From time to time, I make special requests of my garbage company. They have never turned me down. They always find a way to say “yes” even if they have to make some adjustments to my original request.

Music City Disposal is a multi-generational family company. Over a year ago, I met the retired patriarch of the company. In his own down-to-earth fashion, he told me: “I taught my son to listen to people first and then try to serve them. I told him if he did that, he would be successful in whatever he tried.”

“In whatever he tried.” Including garbage.

Great lessons on leadership.

Great lessons on life.

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The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors

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The Top Seven Regrets of Pastors from thomrainer.com by Thom Rainer

I recently interviewed more than twenty pastors who had been in ministry for at least 25 years. All of these men were over 55 years old.  A few of them were retired, but most of them were still active in fulltime vocational ministry.

The interview was simple. I asked one open-ended question: “What regrets do you have about the years you have served as a pastor?” Each of the men could provide as many responses as they desired. They could make the answers succinct, or they could elaborate upon them.

Three pastors had as few as two responses; one pastor had nine. Most of the pastors noted three or four regrets. As a researcher, I typically see patterns develop in this type of subjective research. When it concluded, I was able to see seven definitive patterns, and I was able to see the frequency they occurred.

Below are the top seven regrets noted in order of frequency. I received a total of 17 different responses, but only these seven occurred with any degree of repetition. After each regret, I provide a representative direct quote from one of the interviewees.

  1. Lack of practical training for local church ministry. “I was not prepared for 80 percent of my day-to-day ministry after I graduated from seminary. I wish I had taken time to find some resources or places where I could get practical training. I had to learn in the school of hard knocks, and it was very painful at times.”
  2. Overly concerned about critics. “I had this naïve view that a bunch of Christians in a church would always show love toward each other. Boy was I wrong! There are some mean church members out there. My regret is that I spent way too much time and emotional energy dealing with the critics. I think of the hundreds of hours I lost focusing on critics, and it grieves me to this day.”
  3. Failure to exercise faith. “At some point in my ministry, I started playing defense and let the status quo become my way of doing church. I was fearful of taking steps of faith, and my leadership and churches suffered as a result. Not only was I too cautious in the churches I served, I was too cautious in my own ministry. I really felt God calling me to plant a church at one point, but I was just too fearful to take that step.”
  4. Not enough time with family. “I can’t say that people didn’t warn me. One wise pastor told me I had a mistress. When he saw my anger rising, he told me that my mistress was busyness in my church, and that my family was suffering from neglect. It hurts me to say this, but one of my adult sons is still in rebellion, and I know it is a direct result of my neglect of him when he was young.”
  5. Failure to understand basic business and finance issues. “The first time I saw my church’s budget, I thought I was looking at a foreign language. Greek is a lot easier than finance. They sure don’t teach you basic church finance and business at seminary, and I didn’t take the initiative to educate myself. I really felt stupid in so many of the discussions about the budget or other church business issues.”
  6. Failure to share ministry. “Let me shoot straight. I had two complexes. The first was the Superman complex. I felt like if ministry was going to be done well, I had to do it. I couldn’t ask or equip someone else to do it. My second complex was the conflict avoider complex. I was so afraid that I would get criticized if I didn’t visit Aunt Susie personally when she had an outpatient procedure that I ran myself ragged. In my second church I suffered burnout and ended up resigning.”
  7. Failure to make friends. “I know it’s cliché, but being a pastor can be lonely. I think many pastors get in trouble because we can get so lonely. I wish I had done a better job of seeking out true friends. I know if I had made the effort, there would have been a number of pastors in town that I could have befriended. Sometimes I got so busy doing ‘stuff’ that I didn’t have time to do the things that really matter.”

So what do you think of these top seven regrets? What would you add?

 
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Thom Rainer: Seven Characteristics of an Effective Critic

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Shel – This is so very good.  Many people think they have a gift of “criticism” here is what a person with a real gift looks likes…

 

Seven Characteristics of an Effective Critic by Thom rainer

December 10, 2012

A few days ago I had a long conversation with a critic of me. Actually, it would be better to say that he is a critic of a decision I made. He would not want to describe himself as a critic of me in the general sense.

Rare is the person who actually enjoys criticisms. I certainly would not be among that unique group. But this man made the criticism tolerable. And he certainly gained my respect by the way he handled it.

Immediately after the conversation, I began to think through how he had approached me. I thought about his words, his body language, and even his preparation for criticizing me. I realized I had a case study on effective criticism. I also was able to note seven of the characteristics of this conversation where he criticized me.

  1. He had no pattern of having a critical spirit. Some people are perpetually critical. Their negativity is known and often avoided. Such people have little credibility. Even if they have something worthy to say, it is often ignored because of their patterns in the past. That was not the case with this man. He was not known as a negative person. He did not speak or write in a critical way on an ongoing basis. Because of this pattern, I was inclined to listen to him.
  2. He prayed before he criticized. In fact, this man prayed every day for two weeks before he ever approached me. He asked God to stop him if his mission was not meant to be. He did not take the moment lightly. To the contrary, he treated it with utmost seriousness.
  3. He communicated concern without anger. This critic did not once raise his voice. His body language did not communicate anger. He was passionate in his position while maintaining his composure.
  4. He avoided any ad hominem attacks. My critic wanted to be certain that I knew he was not attacking me personally. He affirmed me in many ways. He voiced respect for my character. But he did not waver in his expressed concern. Never once did I feel like I was under attack personally.
  5. He asked for my perspective. Frankly, most of my critics through the years have not expressed any desire to hear my side of the story. They are so intent to communicate their position that they leave no room for me to speak. Such was not the case with this critic. He asked a surprising question early in the conversation: “Thom, why did you make this decision? I really want to hear your thoughts straight from you.”
  6. He listened to me. Undoubtedly you’ve been in those conversations where the other person really does not indicate any desire to listen to you. Even while you are speaking, it is evident that he or she is formulating the next response rather than hearing your words. This critic not only asked for my perspective, he really listened as I spoke. The only time he interjected was to ask clarifying questions.
  7. He was humble. One of the primary reasons we get defensive when we are criticized is the attitude of the critic. They often seem to have an all-knowing and condescending spirit. To the contrary, my critic was genuinely humble. He was not a know-it-all. He did not act like the smartest man in the room. Frankly his humility was humbling to me.

You can’t be a leader without being criticized. Leaders have to make decisions, and it’s rare that everyone will agree with your decisions. While dealing with critics is not the most pleasant part of leadership, it is a necessary part. Sometimes leaders must discount the message because of the lack of credibility of the messenger. But, in my case, I heard from a critic who truly made me pause and consider his position. Not only did I hear his position, though, I learned even more about being an effective critic and recipient of criticism.

For those reasons, this fallible leader is very grateful.

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Churches That Have Culturally Relevant Outreach Ministries: Thom Rainer

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From Thom Rainer - In my Wednesday post, I recalled the decline of traditional outreach ministries in many churches. I further noted that most churches no longer try to connect with people through “cold call” visits in their homes. These churches, more often than not, begin to see declines in their attendance if they did not replace the traditional approach with something else.

In simple terms, churches without any ongoing outreach approach were likely to decline. The ethos of the church changed from other-focused to self-centered.

Churches That Made Positive Changes

A relatively small number of churches, however, did not leave the void of outwardly focused ministries unfilled. They, like the declining churches, stopped doing traditional outreach ministries. But, unlike the declining churches, they replaced the traditional approach with something new.

Though my research is more anecdotal at this point, I did review several dozens churches that have transitioned well. Thus far I have noted three major new approaches toward an outward focus.

Three Successful and Relevant Outreach Approaches

My research to this point is by no means exhaustive, so I will likely have more approaches in the future. For now, here are three outwardly focused ministries that have filled the void left by the abandonment of more traditional approaches.

  1. Additional worship venue. In the 1960s and 1970s many congregations moved to multiple worship services on Sunday mornings. Such transitions were not without their critics and detractors. Today a number of churches are adding a worship service on a different day; or adding a new campus in close proximity to the church; or adding a different venue in the same facility; or moving to video venues. These new starts tend to grow faster and reach unchurched persons more effectively than existing services. While churches above 500 in attendance were more likely to add a venue, many smaller churches are moving in this direction as well.
  2.  Ongoing community ministries. Some churches regularly send their members into the community to minister to those who live and work there. Typically they find the greatest needs and seek to fill two or three of those needs. This approach is not to be confused with the community ministries that require people to come to the church facilities. While those ministries are vitally needed, the members must be going into the community on a regular basis for the church as a whole to become outwardly focused.
  3. Inviting with accountability. Still other churches have developed ministries that encourage and equip members to invite persons to church on an ongoing basis. Those that have proved successful have some type of accountability built into the process. It is not a simple exhortation from the pastor to invite someone to church. It is rather an organized system that can account for the number of people invited to church each week.

The Research Continues

IRead the whole thing here:http://thomrainer.com/2012/12/08/churches-that-have-culturally-relevant-outreach-ministries/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thomrainer%2Frss+%28thomrainer.com%29#.UMP5QYM0WSo

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Leading Change – Thom Rainer

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When Leaders Lead Change Too Quickly  from thomrainer.com

Ron Johnson is not off to a good beginning. The former Apple retail leader is now CEO of J. C. Penney. The most recent quarterly results are not encouraging. After making wide, sweeping changes, same store sales have dropped 26 percent and stock prices are at a three-year low.

Meg Whitman, the former CEO of eBay, is attempting a turnaround at Hewlett-Packard. The challenge is daunting. Though she has a long-term strategy in place, many people believe she is moving too slowly.

A pastor of a large church recently resigned after leading the congregation in several major changes. Attendance at the church dropped precipitously as many members voted against the changes with their feet.

At another large church just twenty miles away, the pastor is moving so slowly that people are also moving out. They are waiting on this leader to provide visionary leadership, but he is simply too reticent to move forward.

Volumes have been written on change, the pace of change, and the consequences of change. In simplest terms, leaders move at a perfect pace, too slowly, or too rapidly. In this brief article, I address what fast-paced leaders should consider. I offer five basic issues these leaders should grasp.

Understand the Change Tolerance of Those Directly Impacted

Some fast-paced leaders look at the organization only from their perspective. They fail to put themselves in others’ shoes to consider what this change might feel like to those directly impacted. These aggressive leaders need to ask more questions and listen more carefully. They may be surprised to hear how those directly impacted will respond to the proposed changes.

Understand That Change Tolerance Is Contextually Driven

I have seen too many leaders move to a new area and assume that change tolerance would be very close to their previous place of leadership. If they came from an organization that dealt well with change, they might assume that the same leadership pace would work at the new organization. Unfortunately, many leaders have been burned when they discover their assumptions to be wrong. Many contextual factors affect the tolerance level of change. Again, it is incumbent upon leaders to know their contexts and how to lead in those contexts. Listening to the stories of those in the organization is vital to this process.

Understand That Most Change Resistance Is Emotional, Not Rational

Such is the reason that well-thought, calmly-presented, rationally-explained reasons for change might not be well received. The leader must understand the hearts of those impacted, not only the heads. Why are they so emotionally attached to the status quo? What stories can the leader share that would address the hearts of those feeling the changes?

Understand That Leaders Must Have Sufficient Tenure to Deal with the Change

Too many leaders initiate change but fail to see the obstacles before them. As a consequence, they often leave before the changes are fully implemented. The organization is thus left with frustrated people and a void of leadership. If a leader is seeking to lead change, he or she must be willing to stay at the organization a sufficient time to see the change accomplished, and to deal with any aftermath caused by the change.

Understand That Leaders Must Understand Themselves in Leading Change

Self-awareness is vital here. If you are a slow-change leader in a fast-paced organization, you will likely encounter frustration and impatience. If you are a fast-paced leader in a slowly-moving organization, you will likely encounter resistance and resentment. A good simple exercise is to rank yourself on your comfort with the pace of change on a scale of one to ten. Then do the same for the organization you lead. If you have a gap greater than two, you have major work to do before you even begin to lead change. Sometimes the work must be done on yourself. At other times, there is greater work to do in the organization. The gap must be closed or the leader will find himself in a position of frustration and, ultimately, failed leadership.

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Eight Terrible Church Visits

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Eight Terrible Church Visitsfrom thomrainer.com

  When I led a church consultation company, one of the more common facets of my consultation was an on-site visit to a worship service. The person I hired to conduct the visit could know nothing about the church. Ideally this “mystery guest” would be an unchurched person, so that he or she could give an honest assessment from the perspective of someone who knows little about churches.

I requested that the mystery guest evaluate different areas of the visit, but I was always most interested in the overall score. They submitted a score of one to seven. The lowest score meant that the visit was terrible, and they would not return under any circumstances. I recently retrieved some of these “one” reports. Inevitably there was one event that took place that made the visit so bad. Let me share eight of those events in eight different terrible church visits.

  1. “I was asked to introduce myself in the worship service. There were probably 150 or so present, so all the members knew I was a guest. I had no choice but to speak up and tell them something about me. I felt so uncomfortable standing up and speaking to everyone present.”
  2. “I had to walk fifty yards in the rain. There was no guest parking. No one offered me an umbrella. Apparently the members got there early so they could get the best parking spaces in the inclement weather.”
  3. “The preschool area was dirty and not secure. I took my two-year old with me, but I would not leave her in the church’s preschool area. You could tell they didn’t care about the cleanliness and the safety needs of little children. So I took my child to the worship service. That proved to be another headache.”
  4. “Everyone talked in code. I had no idea what the preacher and the members were talking about. What in the heck is a WMU? What is a time of intercessory prayer? I figured out the responsive reading thing when I saw people reading from their hymnals.”
  5. “Someone told me I was sitting where their family sits. That really ticked me off. I didn’t see a reserved sign there. If I was not getting paid to do this, I would have said a few words to them and walked out of the service before it ever began.”
  6. “No one spoke to me. They certainly spoke to people they apparently knew, but I was not a part of their cliques. I felt badly just being there. I wanted to get up and leave on the spot.”
  7. “The preacher screamed the whole time. He had one tone and one volume: loud! Why do these preachers think their voices and their decibels have to change when they begin preaching? It seems so inauthentic. To top it off, I had a terrible headache after enduring 45 minutes of his screaming.”
  8. “They had a business meeting during the worship service. Now that was awkward. I really got uncomfortable when some of the members began disagreeing. It was tense. I will never, ever, ever go back there again.”

In each of these cases, the mystery church guests assured me that the visit was so bad and so uncomfortable that they would never return. Could some of these experiences happen at your church? Do you know of other terrible church visits?

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